


Freezer Burn

by Kharnesh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coping, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stark Tower, routines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kharnesh/pseuds/Kharnesh
Summary: Bucky is aware of the routine that has been set out for him, and he follows it rigorously.





	

It takes Bucky a long time to get used to living in Stark Tower. Even when he’s used to it, he’s not comfortable. He is aware of the routine that has been set out for him, and he follows it rigorously.

He can’t sleep for more than six hours, so he doesn’t try. He puts his head down at 0000 hours and picks it back up at 0600 hours. Steve wakes up at 0700 hours, so Bucky brushes his teeth and combs his hair before standing outside his bedroom. Steve opens the door and smiles, then tells Bucky to sit at the kitchen table while he brushes his teeth and combs his hair. Bucky thinks Steve probably washes his face as well, but Bucky doesn’t follow him to find out; that’s not part of the routine.

Steve comes back and asks what Bucky wants for breakfast. He remembers the grains they fed The Winter Soldier and asks for oatmeal. He asked for it for a few days in a row before Steve started to make a face at the words. Bucky didn’t know what Steve wanted him to say instead, so he kept saying oatmeal. He knows Steve mixes honey in, but he can only taste the memory of cold, grain meal.

Steve cleans up after breakfast and doesn’t let Bucky help.

They get dressed after everything is clean and placed back into it’s proper home. There were clothes waiting for him when Bucky arrived at the tower: drawers of neatly folded socks, underwear, undershirts, and a closet with hangers heavy with t-shirts and jeans. Everyday, he picks a new piece of everything. Steve doesn’t frown when he does that.

They meet at the kitchen table, and they draw. Steve has his notebook, and Bucky has his. That was another thing that was waiting for him when he arrived. That and a tin of pencils that smell expensive. Bucky assumes they're expensive because Steve has a box of his own, and he treats them like they’re made of gold. Bucky sometimes opens the tin when it’s late and smells them before putting his head down. His dreams smell like a cool summer's breeze and pencil shavings.

Steve draws things he sees, and Bucky draws things he’s seen. Steve always shows Bucky his finished pieces, but he never asks that the favor be returned. Bucky only shows his drawings to the doctor.

Doctor Garcia comes after they’ve cleaned up their drawing material. Her first name is Maria. She gave it to him on the first day they met. She said he could call her anything he wanted, just as long as he was comfortable. Bucky calls her Doctor Garcia, but sometimes, when things get cloudy at night, he says her name like a prayer. Maria Garcia, Maria Garcia, Maria Garcia. She’s a real person, untouched by the things that have touched him. It reminds him where he is, and he likes the way it rhymes.

Steve leaves when the doctor comes. He says it’s because of client privilege and giving Bucky privacy. Bucky doesn’t like that he leaves, but sometimes he’s glad that he does.

Doctor Garcia asks for his notebook, and he gives it to her. She looks at each of his drawings closely and says they’re very well done. She calls them hyper realistic. Bucky thinks that Stark is paying her a lot of money for her services. Afterall, SHIELD was still looking for James Buchanan Barnes, AKA The Winter Soldier, and one must be paid pretty well in order to keep the a secret that they were treating a wanted man. Whether or not her nest egg was being padded was something Bucky tries not to think about too often. It is easier to pretend that Doctor Garcia actually cares about him.

Steve comes back when Doctor Garcia leaves. He asks what Bucky wants for lunch, and Bucky has trouble with this part. Oatmeal is for breakfast, but Russian grains are eaten always. He remembered hardtack, though, so lunch is crackers topped with whatever they can find in the fridge. Steve asked him once if he had gotten enough to eat, and Bucky replied by gorging on the dry crackers until his stomach bloated and cramped. Steve didn’t ask again.

They go outside after lunch. Steve makes Bucky tie up his hair and wear a hat so he won’t be recognized, but they leave the tower. They go to a park frequented by elderly people and sit on a bench near the trees. They don’t really talk. Steve tried to at first, but Bucky didn’t know how to respond. They leave the park when neither of them can stand to be there any longer.

They change into shorts when they return to the tower and exercise. There’s a complete gym a few floors up, and they use it everyday. Steve heads for the punching bag, and Bucky goes for the deadlift. They sweat on opposite sides of the room until Steve unwinds the tape from his hands.

They shower back in their living area. Bucky is quick and always out before Steve. He stands outside Steve’s bedroom door and waits. When Steve is finally finished, clean and dry, Bucky can smell a heavy, floral scent coming off him. Something sweet and fruity. Bucky’s soap comes in a white bar and doesn’t smell like anything.

Steve doesn’t ask what he wants to eat for dinner, because dinner is not for their benefit. That meal is eaten with others. They go down a couple floors and join whoever else is in the tower and going through a feed line. Walking past the overflowing pots and pans makes him feel like livestock. Once they have him fat enough, they’ll butcher him and braise his meat. They’ll chew on his fat while they talk and laugh with their mouths open. He imagines he’ll still be aware enough to feel it when they shit him out once they have no further use for him.

As per routine, Bucky leaves dinner halfway through.

Steve follows, and they spend the rest of the night reading together. Steve flies through books. He takes world after world and consumes them. He reads like a starving man. Bucky hobbles through books like he’s running through a root knotted forest. Every sentence trips him and sends him crashing to the ground. Bucky doesn’t like the feeling of falling, and often throws his book at the wall. Steve’s copies of the Dr. Seuss Collection are dented and bent beyond recovery because of how often they go flying.

Steve reads aloud to him when Bucky does that. He’s read The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C. S. Lewis a few times already, but Bucky always insists on hearing it again.

They stop reading and go to bed at 2100 hours. Bucky returns to his room and brushes his teeth and hair. He changes into the pajamas that were in the room when he arrived at the tower. He sits on his bed and waits for 0000 hours. He can’t sleep for more than six hours, so he doesn’t try. He opens the tin of pencils and smells them. He chants Doctor Garcia’s name. At 0000 hours, he puts his head down and picks it back up at 0600 hours.

He is aware of the routine set out for him, and he follows it rigorously.

**Author's Note:**

> A special thanks to my mother for being my beta on this piece.


End file.
